You hold the resources within to make you a winner.
You are whole and complete.
Is there any reason to play small?
Everything that you desire and deserve need your action. So just do it!!
I used this mantra at the beginning of my coaching journey. Every time I had a doubt, fear, a feeling of procrastination, comparison or negative self talk; I reminded myself to just do it.
Do it because I love, I care and I am compassionate about what I do.
The journey wasn’t easy there were setbacks and failures. Every setback was a learning. I improved on the skills, learned new ways to bring positive transformation in my clients life.
Soon action became:
A – Adapting
C – Changes
T – To
I – Improve
O – Outcomes +
N – New skills
Just the willingness to take the action is half the battle won. The fear of failure looms over when we think too much about the consequences and overpowers our ability to take actions.
So take that plunge and think of what helped you in the past in overcoming doubts and fear. We all have those little achievements which we fondly remember, isn’t it?
Like the exam we cleared, trek we managed to climb, first promotion or overcoming health challenges.
Who did that for you? No one but you!
No one can tell you what’s right for you but you. No one can control how you think and what you do but you!
Take the responsibility of self. It’s a mindset to proactively work on your goals and actions instead of following others and waiting for others to change.
Use this powerful slogan/affirmation and take some action towards a better life.
What’s on your do it someday list? – Now is a good time so JUST DO IT!!
My dad is suffering from Parkinson’s and needs help with some of the basic activities which we otherwise take for granted.
My mom is his primary care taker on a day to day basis and due to her age and responsibilities, at times gets tired.
They both manage their lives well, with a disciplined routine, laughter yoga, meditation and gratitude practice. They never bother us with anything and always inspire us with positivity.
As I visited them last week I was observing them both. Dad always wants to be in control due to his strong personality he had while we were growing up. Mom being a caring soul would stop him from doing anything that might result in his or kids discomfort.
The intention is mostly right but how the other person perceives the same information is through his/her own lens of emotions, beliefs and pre existing thoughts.
Emotions are the guiding light towards acceptance or avoidance of people, objects or experience. If you are happy you will be readily accept new ideas and experiment with things whereas an unhappy mind will judge, criticise and avoid the same.
So today observe yourself when someone says 6 do you see 9 or when you show them 9 others see it as 6.
I often get this question asked during live sessions.
We are always around people. At work, at home and at social gatherings. The thoughts that we think and the words we speak create a vibrational energy around us. But the fact is some of the people are so unaware of the negativity they create around themselves. Constant complaining, stressing and creating worries for self and others creates a disturbance within and outside as well.
The ability to manage our emotions and to remain calm in stressful situations has a huge impact on our performance. Top performers in any field have honed this art of coping with negative people and energy draining conversations.
“Emotions drive people, people drive performance.”
While I have answered this differently every time depending on the audience asking the question, what follows here is some of the best. Choose which are the ones you would like to adopt.
1. Set limits: Especially with complainers. They want someone to listen to what they think is a huge problem. You may feel compelled to listen as you don’t want to be rude or uncaring towards the person. So setting a limit on time and conversation helps both the listener as well as the complainer. Tell them your time availability and before you move away ask how do they intend to fix the problem.
2. Emotions check: When being around negative people it is natural to lose your momentum towards your goals and feel low in energy. Becoming aware of your emotions will help you to choose your battles wisely. Journal your thoughts, take constructive actions such as spending time with self, reading and building growth mindset.
3. Healthy boundaries: When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. While it is impossible to completely refrain from in a social media driven world, you can always set healthy boundaries for your peace of mind. Value the opinions of those who you look up to and see as role models.
“Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me.”
4. Pay attention: What you give your focus and attention to grows. If your attention is attracted to negative situations and emotions, then they will continue to grow in your awareness. Instead focus on actions to better yourself, learn ways to build a sense of personal efficacy that enhances your productivity and reduces your stress.
5. Forgive and forget: Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It doesn’t mean that the others are right but it means you have chosen to give yourself peace and move ahead. Sometimes we forgive but most of the times we don’t forget. Holding on to that feeling is bad for our mind and body and that may trigger some form of illness.
“The first to apologise is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.”
6. Build a support system: It may feel that you can handle the situation on your own but having few supportive people around will help you stay emotionally and mentally strong. When things get rough this network will help you stay energised, focus on your thoughts in the right direction and hold you accountable. Social media, blogs, professional network, co-workers, volunteering are great way to create and be part of your own interest group.
7. Make them happy: Just because they have grown to be negative doesn’t mean they can’t laugh. Brain plasticity is a term that refers to the brains ability to change and adapt as a result of experience. Find what brings them joy and constantly remind them and do those activities together.
Remember you are far more in control than you realise. If someone’s negative energy is compromising your happiness; move from Impulse to greater choice for your own well-being.
Some of you know how passionately I write about happiness. So I am sure you must be wondering why am I saying so!
It’s the truth and proven by science. We humans are hard wired for negativity bias. We tend to remember criticism more than compliments. We hold on to past trauma’s and let it take away the joy of the present moment. This is because negative moments have a greater impact on our mind than the positive ones.
Think of the day when everything was going well and one comment on social media or from someone at work spoiled your mood. After that the you kept ruminating over it many times and felt irritated at others.
Your performance review at work had overall positive comments but some feedback to improve on certain areas got you fixated on that.
An argument with your partner makes you forget all the happy moments and you start looking at only the imperfections.
You meet someone who is extra nice and immediately the thought comes – what is it they want?
This tendency to feel more negative than positive is one of the ways our brain helps us stay safe and protected. This fight-or-flight response comes from our ancestors when that was the only choice they had to save themselves from the danger.
This can be triggered by either real or imaginary situations. We luckily have a roof over our head and are mostly safe from physical dangers. It’s the psychological dangers that are with us at work, home and school. This can affect our health and our day to day functioning.
Fortunately we have tools and resources that can help us overcome sadness and create a happy mindset.
Stop all criticism: Take a vow today to stop criticising, scaring and being unkind to yourself says Louise Hay, bestselling author of You can heal your life. Self acceptance is loving your self with all your flaws and being committed to change at the same time.
Reframe: That’s right! Positive incantations are empowering. It’s embodying the statement with your mind, body and voice. As Tony Robbins says, incantations change your physiology and your state towards a positive outlook.
Take action : You are not a helpless victim of your thoughts, rather a master of your own mind. Think your way to happiness.
Seek support: When we can’t change the situation, we change ourselves. Sometimes the job, relationship or current situation may seem challenging. Reach out for individual coaching session or group coaching for your teams here.
Taking a more mindful approach towards challenges, being aware of the tendency towards negativity and adopting a growth mindset will help in consciously creating a happy life.
It’s been continuously raining in Bangalore over the last one week. Every day we wake up with a hope to have clear skies but then again close the doors and windows as the drizzling starts. Occasionally the little glimpse of sunlight gives hope and then comes rain again.
Interestingly the rain doesn’t dampen the spirit of those who still want to play, go out or work. I notice people walking and jogging with their windbreakers on. I observe kids finding ways to meet and play inside the clubhouse. I see security guards covered with rain coats and reporting on duty.
Isn’t this true with life? Just like weather the situations keeps changing in life as well. There are days of sunshine and periods of gloom. The circumstances in our life affects the way we feel; the feelings can affect our ability to perform at work, relationships and overall well-being.
We need to have our emotional umbrellas and raincoats ready to deal with those days. Ask yourself “Do I have the things I need on a challenging day?”
Here’s what I have in my emotional wellness kit:
1. A mentor or coach to reach out for handholding and guidance.
2. A friend / family member who will listen to me without any judgement.
Within each one of us is a fountain of colours, which keeps changing with time and experiences.
There are different colors associated with our feelings and emotions.
Anger is associated with red.
Jealousy is mostly seen as green.
Joy and happiness with yellow.
Love and romance with pink.
Sadness with blue.
Peace with white.
Sacrifice with saffron and
Knowledge with violet.
Harmony in diversity makes life vibrant, joyful, and more colorful.
Let’s make our life like Holi, where each color is seen clearly, which adds charm to each area of our life – be it work, relationships or health.
Yesterday during the Holi festival I experienced the vibrancy, joy, colourful and forgiving nature of life.
When colours are seen individually, it is awareness.
When all the colours get mixed up, we end up with muddy brown just like our emotional and mental clutter.
Each one of us plays many roles and handles various emotions which needs to be clearly defined.
Emotional confusion can create hurdles in living a happy life.
Here’s ways to add happy colours to our life:
1. Name it to tame it: Develop a daily practice of checking in on your feelings. What am I feeling today? Pick any three words that describe your feelings. For example: Anxious, nervous and frustrated.
2. Reason it out: Create any two statements with those three feelings. For example “I am feeling anxious as there is lots to do.” & “I am frustrated that I am unable to finish my tasks; that makes me nervous.” Expressing your feelings gives you a chance to untangle emotional ball of thoughts.
3. Act: Create an action statement that will help you overcome this emotional turmoil. For example: As I am frustrated and angry to the long list of task, the suitable action could be making a to-do list or prioritising.
Let’s add some happy colours and habits to our day to day life and stay vibrant and joyful. Happy Holi.
These days I wake up to a peaceful morning, birds chirping in the balcony, no morning rush hour traffic, which gives me a bit more time for my morning rituals which includes a nice cup of tea with my book.
But this peace soon gets shattered and the morning madness starts when kids wake up and everyone occupies their designated space in the house with their gadgets. A cacophony of voices starts rising from the kitchen, online school classes and Zoom based office meetings. From national anthem to gummy bear song and meditation to placating demanding customers.
The kitchen is the “new water cooler” where we all meet in between our sessions to grab coffee and snacks etc. Other times the conversations between family members happen only on WhatsApp chats or gestures. We have mastered the art of using sign language to ask, do you want tea, going for a walk, no tv till you finish homework and going to sleep in other room :).
As a mother I feel, there are more responsibilities than just household work. We tend to be more emotionally available for our children even if it means just a cuddle. Most women usually invest additional 3 to 4 hours a day on household responsibilities and child care – adding up to essentially another part time job. No wonder they are among the most likely group to be considering stepping back, so much so the pandemic induced economic downturn is being called she-cession rather than recession.
As we step into the second year of pandemic, here’re 7 ways to bring more balance and happiness in our life while WFH:
1. Take a nature walk: Studies reveal that spending time in nature has a positive effect on the mind, body, and spirit. Yoshifumi Miyazaki from Chiba University, Japan, discovered that going for a 40-minute walk in a green forest lowers the level of cortisol, the stress hormone, blood pressure and supports the immune system more than a similar 40-minute walk indoors. Use this time to exercise, reflect, recharge and heal. Due to time constraints me and my husband have combined the walk in nature as “us” time where we connect and talk about everything ranging from kids to planning holidays.
2. Power of routine: Routine is a schedule that you create to prioritise and make space for habits that are important. Yes, it takes time and effort and yes, it may not be possible to follow it on certain days but it also brings more discipline in following the schedule which is more winning and productive. Just Start and the add complicated tasks slowly once you are in the discipline of following a routine. For example, waking up at 4 am didn’t happen in day. I started with 6 am and slowly worked my way up to 4am.
3. Clutter free space: Our surroundings have a strong influence on our behaviour, cognition, emotions, decision-making, and even our relationship with others. A study by researchers from Princeton University Neuroscience Institute found that clutter limits your brain’s ability to process information. Look around your space and see what can you remove to create a better space for yourself. Effectively working from home requires optimising your environment to maximise health, happiness and productivity.
4. Setting boundaries: Boundaries can be physical or emotional, and they can range from being loose to rigid. Setting boundaries is an important part of establishing one’s identity and is a crucial aspect of mental health and well-being. Setting healthy boundaries can have many benefits, including helping people make decisions based on what is best for them, not just for the people around them. This autonomy is an important part of self-care.
5. Self care Sundays: Practicing a weekly digital detox and spending time on self will help a lot in enhancing your health and well-being. More and more studies are showing how our screen time negatively impacts everything from our sleep and memory to attention span, creativity, productivity, and even health. Unmindful social media usage can also lead to social comparison, which can result in impaired self-esteem and even depression, just having our phones in sight causes a rise in cortisol – body’s main stress hormone. Carve out time for meaningful purposes, relationships and self care tasks.
6. Make social connections: Meaningful relationships remain at the core of our emotional and psychological well-being as humans. However, the last one year has isolated us in our homes and left us with only virtual connections. More and more people are experiencing anxiety, depression and loneliness due to lack of human connections. Encourage ‘virtual water cooler chats’ during breaks. Login early to just ‘check-in’, ‘build emotional connections’ and have a ‘buddy system’.
7. Ask for support: Sometimes it’s not other’s unwillingness to provide Support, it’s our inability to ask for help. While growing up if I have seen my mother managing home front efficiently, somewhere I started believing that asking for help would mean “weakness” or “lack”. Most of the organisations and leaders are also willing to help but how often do we come over that self – limiting thought and seek help. Remember, people like to reciprocate and as a leader you can create the culture of asking and giving help in your organisation.
Embrace change, give up perfectionism and fine tune where you need to. After all what life throws at you is not your choice but what you make of it is 100% your choice.
20th March is the International Day of Happiness it recognises the relevance of happiness and well-being as a universal goal in the lives of human beings around the world and the importance of their recognition in public policy objectives.
It also recognises the need for a more inclusive, equitable and balanced approach to economic growth that promotes sustainable development, poverty eradication, happiness and the well-being of all. (UN)
As we are all facing an ongoing global crisis together, this year’s International Day of Happiness is a chance to find uplifting and positive ways to look after ourselves – and one another, as individuals or as an organisation.
Based on that values this year’s international happiness day theme is – Keep Calm, Stay wise and Be kind.
Due to the pandemic the world needs to be in alignment with these values. How do we that? How can organisations build a happy cultural? Let’s understand these values at first:
Keep calm: Life has been unprecedented and overwhelming for all of us. Worries and panic only worsens the situations rather than helping. A calm mind brings inner strength and clarity. Imagine a jar full of water and sand, shake it and the sand will mix with water making it cloudy but keep it and let the sand settle to see the clear water. Our mind also gets cluttered and cloudy with thoughts, worries and doubts. Let it settle, practice calming techniques and experience stillness of mind.
Stay wise: Most of the scriptures, Guru’s and parents talk about gaining wisdom as the ultimate goal of life. It leads us towards happiness and enlightenment. I have experienced that some quotes/books or saying often become the guiding principles of life. So choose to spend time wisely, learn new skills, change with time, adopt a growth mindset and ask someone to Mentor.
Be kind: It comes in many forms, like being nice, thoughtful, loving nature, caring for others and then being considerate is the root of pure kindness. Be kind, as everyone is fighting a hard battle. Simply asking someone how they are doing can bring a huge difference in their mood and self esteem. Smile more often, practice patience, let go and let live.
Be kind, but not weak. Be strong, but not rude. Be proud, but not arrogant. Be a reason for spreading happiness all around you.
As an individual learn ways to handle stress, connect with like minded people and communities. As an organisation create awareness sessions, talks and promote well-being. Create happy Workplace and stay safe.
Overdrive on Passion was my confession of how we tend to get so excited about our work/responsibilities that it overrides our own health and well-being. Those of us who are fortunate to have a job/business at these unprecedented times are holding it dearly and others are working overtime through this challenge discovering new ways ahead.
Extended hours of work lead to poor eating and causes health issues like colds/flu, reduces our immunity, causes irritability, depression, headaches and heart disease. Fatigue sets in as hindrance to our productivity and mood fluctuations.
It can also contribute to failed relationships, divorce and constant stress among family members.
Here’s 7 ways to integrate work and life:
1. Health: Our work will suffers if our health is suffering. Mental and physical vitality is the fuel we need to drive our actions. Check for the nutritional deficiencies and have food and snacks that are good for your mind and body.
2. Exercise: It’s a great stress buster and pumps feel-good hormone called endorphins throughout our body. There is a correlation between physical activity and better brain function. But still most of us procrastinate to get out of the bed few minutes early for exercising. Join a class or make friends with people who prioritise exercise. Having a fitness buddy will encourage you and even 10 to 15 minutes of aerobic exercise a day can have enormous benefits.
3. Limit: Limit time wasting people and activities such as gossiping and browsing on phone for hours. Drawing firm boundaries, we can devote quality time to high-priority people and activities.
Persistent use of gadgets encourages a sedentary lifestyle and may lead to poor posture and weight gain. Similarly people around us affect our brain function so choose your surroundings wisely. Who you spend time with is what you become.
You are the average of 5 people you spend the most time with.
Jim Rohn
4. Passion: Success is usually thought of as creating wealth and achieving fame, but true success is not all about money. It’s the larger purpose which comes by following our passion. The time and effort investment comes with a great deal of enthusiasm. The more passionate someone is about their job, the more inclined they are to work hard on self-improvement, increasing their chances of success.
5. Perfectionism: Like most of us I was also told to do my work perfectly since childhood. Initially I received a lot of praises but slowly it started to create a negative belief about myself. Always striving for perfection which soon turned into procrastination. Perfectionism reduces creativity and innovation and leads to fear of failure. So go ahead, finish the task and feel the joy.
6. Multitasking: Technology has made us all available 24/7. We surf social media while talking or attending meetings, answer calls while walking or cooking and order food also from our smartphones. Multitasking reduces attention, increases stress, causes distractions and spoils relationships. We all do it at some point or the other but an awareness helps in organising our day in advance.
7. Self expectations: There are always a lot of expectations from family and work. This also leads to self expectations and sometimes self doubt. This may lead to over working and being unkind to our body and mind. Remember “you are perfect just the way you are.” I had to remind myself this often whenever the inner critic came out.
So take that break, read that book and have tea watching the sunset. May each one of us be loving and kind to self and others.
Hopeandhappinesscoach 