Princesses wears cleats!

What? A ball over a doll??

This was my first reaction when my daughter chose ball over a doll at the age of 3.

When she went to see big boys playing soccer at the park leaving her swing, I wondered.

When she told me she wants to learn football I enrolled her thinking she will give up soon.

When she woke up early every weekend for her class without a fuss for more than a year; I felt that her love for football is real and not how I have been perceiving it.

Finally when I saw her play last week in Japan in an Asia Pac 2023 tournament I was overwhelmed.

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Here’s what she believes in and how so many of my preconceived notions and biases changed during that match.

I feel these may benefit many of us in overcoming limiting beliefs and building resilient mindset.

1. Alone but not lonely : She was the only girl traveling in the team of boys from all over India. Initially the boys hesitated to include her and some made faces & remarks.

Her response – “It’s ok! I am happy with myself they will come to me when they know more about me.”

Don’t give in to judgements and opinions. Stand up in your uniqueness.

2. Support others: While everyone cheered when someone blocked or scored the goal. She clapped and tapped their shoulders when they couldn’t. She exclaimed “well tried”!!

Everyone is doing their best, acknowledge and appreciate.

3. Smash the glass ceiling: When the team was referred again and again as boys, she would gently remind the coach, “I am here.” He changed it to ‘my super champs’ after 3 days.

Voice your opinion and ideas, to bring a positive change. It may be ignored at first but continuous reminders help.

4. Never give up: She injured her arm during the match, but insisted on playing so that she can train her body and mind for overcoming challenges. Not only she did that, she inspired others. Coaches from other countries came and congratulated her.

Her Grandfather teaches her that challenging your body will expand your mind.

5. Be kind: The kid who inadvertently caused the injury was about to be scolded by the folks present but she intervened and said no one should say anything, it was unintentional. He and all his troupe became her best friends, holding her bag and sharing jokes with the team while she returned back to India.

She proved, she is more than a gender label and self confidence is the prerequisite for great undertakings.

Her motto is “Princesses wear cleats.”

So it is! We are privileged to be living in world of opportunities and abundance. Let’s stand up for our rights, be kind, embrace our individuality and be a winner wherever we are!!

Are you willing to claim your own worth as yourself?

Are you surrounded by people who don’t see your value yet?

Over the years I have done a lot of work on overcoming limiting beliefs and building resilient mindset, but the feeling of seeing your lil one teaching you this life lessons is priceless.

“Let’s grow a little everyday even when it’s hard.”

Think before you speak.

I am sure we all have heard this statement while growing up.

But do we REALLY think?

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Distractions, smart phones and social media are adding to the already existing egocentric nature where we are more concerned about our own thoughts and feelings than those of others.

We are uncomfortable with long pauses and silence in conversations, so to avoid these seemingly awkward moments, we jump right in with some small talk.

Learning to accept and possibly enjoy the quieter moments in conversations is something I discovered in coaching. These moments are magical, allows you to think and gives the speaker a chance to express deeper.

Here’s an acronym which can help you THINK before you speak:

T – Is it true? ✅

Sometimes our own perceptions and biases fog our thinking, hearing others can bring in an awareness of something that may be new to us and open up up a wider experience.

H – Is it helpful? ✅

Being mindful can give you an opportunity to explore response and control impulsive or sometimes inappropriate reactions.

I – Is it insightful?✅

Sometimes the negative comments or criticism or feedback may hold a lot of learning moments. Bringing an awareness may give you insights rather than feeling upset.

N – Is it necessary? ✅

Not every conversation may be useful for our growth, happiness and well-being. Ask yourself and choose the direction consciously.

K – Is it kind? ✅

Kindness brings happiness, positively impacts others around us and reduces stress. A few seconds can save hours or even lifetime of regret.

Words have power. It can either inspire or destroy. Choose them well!!

Have a thoughtful week ahead and feel the happiness it brings for you and those around you as well.

Freedom

How free are you?

When we are living in pain, fear, conflict and disillusion; we may feel imprisoned with:

1. Lack of confidence

2. Less creativity in our day to day tasks

3. Reluctance towards new changes and opportunities.

4. Least motivation towards actions that we are supposed to take.

Till the time I felt I am not good enough, I kept working hard, making long to do lists and stressing myself with work that could be outsourced. The day I decided to break free myself from that belief things changed.

We all can claim that freedom towards our happiness.

Along with less stress and minimal efforts we could feel:

1. More confidence

2. Enhanced creativity

3. Open towards new experiences and opportunities

4. Intrinsically motivated towards goals and actions.

Freedom is an ability to self express.

Self expression comes from emotional freedom.

Here’s some ways that helped me to achieve that freedom:

1. Self acceptance: Our needs, values and beliefs make us who we are. Accepting, acknowledging and standing up for our rights will give us the freedom to live upto our best potential.

2. Self love: Just as we accept little children with all the imperfections, we can try and love ourselves for who we are. Resentment and anger towards self or others is only detrimental for our health and well-being.

3. Self responsibility: We are adults and now we can not depend our happiness on our parents, partner, boss, team or friend. We need to take responsibility for our actions and situations we choose to be in.

“I claim my freedom to be happy.”

Just do it!

You are capable.

You are amazing.

You hold the resources within to make you a winner.

You are whole and complete.

Is there any reason to play small?

Everything that you desire and deserve need your action. So just do it!!

I used this mantra at the beginning of my coaching journey. Every time I had a doubt, fear, a feeling of procrastination, comparison or negative self talk; I reminded myself to just do it.

Do it because I love, I care and I am compassionate about what I do.

The journey wasn’t easy there were setbacks and failures. Every setback was a learning. I improved on the skills, learned new ways to bring positive transformation in my clients life.

Soon action became:

A – Adapting

C – Changes

T – To

I – Improve

O – Outcomes +

N – New skills

Just the willingness to take the action is half the battle won. The fear of failure looms over when we think too much about the consequences and overpowers our ability to take actions.

So take that plunge and think of what helped you in the past in overcoming doubts and fear. We all have those little achievements which we fondly remember, isn’t it?

Like the exam we cleared, trek we managed to climb, first promotion or overcoming health challenges.

Who did that for you? No one but you!

No one can tell you what’s right for you but you. No one can control how you think and what you do but you!

Take the responsibility of self. It’s a mindset to proactively work on your goals and actions instead of following others and waiting for others to change.

Use this powerful slogan/affirmation and take some action towards a better life.

What’s on your do it someday list? – Now is a good time so JUST DO IT!!

How to deal with negative people?

I often get this question asked during live sessions.

We are always around people. At work, at home and at social gatherings. The thoughts that we think and the words we speak create a vibrational energy around us. But the fact is some of the people are so unaware of the negativity they create around themselves. Constant complaining, stressing and creating worries for self and others creates a disturbance within and outside as well.

The ability to manage our emotions and to remain calm in stressful situations has a huge impact on our performance. Top performers in any field have honed this art of coping with negative people and energy draining conversations.

“Emotions drive people, people drive performance.”

While I have answered this differently every time depending on the audience asking the question, what follows here is some of the best. Choose which are the ones you would like to adopt.

1. Set limits: Especially with complainers. They want someone to listen to what they think is a huge problem. You may feel compelled to listen as you don’t want to be rude or uncaring towards the person. So setting a limit on time and conversation helps both the listener as well as the complainer. Tell them your time availability and before you move away ask how do they intend to fix the problem.

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2. Emotions check: When being around negative people it is natural to lose your momentum towards your goals and feel low in energy. Becoming aware of your emotions will help you to choose your battles wisely. Journal your thoughts, take constructive actions such as spending time with self, reading and building growth mindset.

3. Healthy boundaries: When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. While it is impossible to completely refrain from in a social media driven world, you can always set healthy boundaries for your peace of mind. Value the opinions of those who you look up to and see as role models.

“Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me.”

4. Pay attention: What you give your focus and attention to grows. If your attention is attracted to negative situations and emotions, then they will continue to grow in your awareness. Instead focus on actions to better yourself, learn ways to build a sense of personal efficacy that enhances your productivity and reduces your stress.

5. Forgive and forget: Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It doesn’t mean that the others are right but it means you have chosen to give yourself peace and move ahead. Sometimes we forgive but most of the times we don’t forget. Holding on to that feeling is bad for our mind and body and that may trigger some form of illness.

“The first to apologise is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.”

6. Build a support system: It may feel that you can handle the situation on your own but having few supportive people around will help you stay emotionally and mentally strong. When things get rough this network will help you stay energised, focus on your thoughts in the right direction and hold you accountable. Social media, blogs, professional network, co-workers, volunteering are great way to create and be part of your own interest group.

7. Make them happy: Just because they have grown to be negative doesn’t mean they can’t laugh. Brain plasticity is a term that refers to the brains ability to change and adapt as a result of experience. Find what brings them joy and constantly remind them and do those activities together.

Remember you are far more in control than you realise. If someone’s negative energy is compromising your happiness; move from Impulse to greater choice for your own well-being.

Build better together

It’s heartening to see how organisations are taking an initiative to introduce “happiness at work.”

According to the UN, the universal aspiration in the life of an individual should be happiness.

This year India saw a marginal improvement in it’s happiness ranking, jumping up three spots to 136 from 139 as per the World Happiness report 2022.

The lesson of the world happiness report over the years is that social support, generosity to one another and honesty in government are crucial for wellbeing says report co author Jeffery Sachs.

“Build better together” theme of the year 2022 emphasises the fact that we need to encourage skills like resilience and adaptability to create happy workplaces.

Here’s three ways organisations and leaders can enhance happiness at work:

1. Rethink strategies for overall development of yourself and your organisation. From “should” do to a “could” do approach. It helps teams to innovate new ways of overcoming challenges.

2. Review policies and limitations. Find the gaps and create “Learn it all” culture instead of “know it all”; so that there is openness to ask for help and support.

3. Good relationships at work helps improve productivity. Find ways to reconnect. Create awareness sessions, talks, coaching for leaders and promote well-being. Hybrid work has emphasised the need to understand digital body language and communicate effectively.

We are witnessing a crisis situation in the world. The Russia – Ukraine war is costing human suffering and economic losses. So let’s pledge today on this international day of happiness to create an awareness towards building a compassionate world.

Each one of us adds to the peace and happiness of this planet as we learn ways to manage our stress, keep calm and show kindness.

Tag someone in the comments who has been your guide to happiness this year. It could be your organisation, leader, coach or friend. This small act of appreciation or gratitude can boost your positivity.

Be kind to your mind.

I noticed this bright colourful bus stop while waiting at the traffic signal. The words written in bold were eye catchy and heart soothing at the same time.

I quickly reached out for my phone and clicked a pic. Thanks to #Headspace for such a wonderful way to remind us to be kind to our mind.

Research has proven that acts of kindness when practiced consistently reduce anxiety, create better health and increase life span. Kindness creates a cycle of long lasting happiness and altruism.

The researchers also found that people who were kind tended to be higher in “eudaimonic happiness” (a sense of meaning and purpose in life) more than “hedonic happiness” (a sense of pleasure and comfort).

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – Dalai Lama

You may wonder that how does this kindness help us in our day to day life of work and long to-do lists?

1. Being kind to our mind helps us in goal pursuit by promoting a growth oriented mindset and belief in our ability to change.
2. Being non-critical to self and being aware of our thoughts helps in dealing with negative emotions and stress rather than exaggerating them.
3. Self kindness triggers self awareness that can reduce unhealthy habits, helps to stay focused on routine and promotes good health.

Everything we do from our goals, performance at work, relationships or health it is deeply associated with the way we communicate with self. That’s why being kind to our mind is not self indulgence but an act of survival. So here’s a few ways to build that kindness into our daily life:

1. Few minutes of Meditation or mindfulness practice.
2. Journaling thoughts and being authentic about feelings.
3. Monitoring self dialogue few times during the day.
4. Giving physical body some activity and mental body, time away from digital space.
5. Using affirming statements such as “I am peaceful.”
6. Shift to internal locus of control instead of external locus of control.
7. Seek support, read, join communities and learn from those who inspire.

Being kind to self is a way of recharging our own batteries before helping others. We need to take care of our thoughts, feelings and actions so that we operate from a place of surplus and are always abundant to enrich others.

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It’s easier to be sad then happy!

Isn’t it?

Some of you know how passionately I write about happiness. So I am sure you must be wondering why am I saying so!

It’s the truth and proven by science. We humans are hard wired for negativity bias. We tend to remember criticism more than compliments. We hold on to past trauma’s and let it take away the joy of the present moment. This is because negative moments have a greater impact on our mind than the positive ones.

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Have you experienced these situations:

Think of the day when everything was going well and one comment on social media or from someone at work spoiled your mood. After that the you kept ruminating over it many times and felt irritated at others.

Your performance review at work had overall positive comments but some feedback to improve on certain areas got you fixated on that.

An argument with your partner makes you forget all the happy moments and you start looking at only the imperfections.

You meet someone who is extra nice and immediately the thought comes – what is it they want?

This tendency to feel more negative than positive is one of the ways our brain helps us stay safe and protected. This fight-or-flight response comes from our ancestors when that was the only choice they had to save themselves from the danger.

This can be triggered by either real or imaginary situations. We luckily have a roof over our head and are mostly safe from physical dangers. It’s the psychological dangers that are with us at work, home and school. This can affect our health and our day to day functioning.

Fortunately we have tools and resources that can help us overcome sadness and create a happy mindset.

1. Stop all criticism: Take a vow today to stop criticising, scaring and being unkind to yourself says Louise Hay, bestselling author of You can heal your life. Self acceptance is loving your self with all your flaws and being committed to change at the same time.
2. Reframe: That’s right! Positive incantations are empowering. It’s embodying the statement with your mind, body and voice. As Tony Robbins says, incantations change your physiology and your state towards a positive outlook.
3. Take action : You are not a helpless victim of your thoughts, rather a master of your own mind. Think your way to happiness.
4. Seek support: When we can’t change the situation, we change ourselves. Sometimes the job, relationship or current situation may seem challenging. Reach out for individual coaching session or group coaching for your teams here.

Taking a more mindful approach towards challenges, being aware of the tendency towards negativity and adopting a growth mindset will help in consciously creating a happy life.

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Rain – Recognise, allow, investigate and nurture.

It’s been continuously raining in Bangalore over the last one week. Every day we wake up with a hope to have clear skies but then again close the doors and windows as the drizzling starts. Occasionally the little glimpse of sunlight gives hope and then comes rain again.

Interestingly the rain doesn’t dampen the spirit of those who still want to play, go out or work. I notice people walking and jogging with their windbreakers on. I observe kids finding ways to meet and play inside the clubhouse. I see security guards covered with rain coats and reporting on duty.

Isn’t this true with life? Just like weather the situations keeps changing in life as well. There are days of sunshine and periods of gloom. The circumstances in our life affects the way we feel; the feelings can affect our ability to perform at work, relationships and overall well-being.

We need to have our emotional umbrellas and raincoats ready to deal with those days. Ask yourself “Do I have the things I need on a challenging day?”

Here’s what I have in my emotional wellness kit:

1. A mentor or coach to reach out for handholding and guidance.

2. A friend / family member who will listen to me without any judgement.

3. Many motivating books by my bedside.

4. Journal to pen down my thoughts and reflect.

5. Space to have few minutes of solitude.

What can you add to your emotional wellness kit?

What are some of the tools that you already have?

Be grateful, be happy!!

If you are reading or listening to this, you are alive, breathing, have a smartphone and a roof over head. There is always something or someone that we are grateful for and today is a day to acknowledge that. It’s world gratitude day, a day to pause and reflect on our blessings and gifts.

This day was reportedly first observed in 1965, during a Thanksgiving gathering at the International East-West Center in Hawaii. Sri Chinmoy, a spiritual leader and meditation teacher, had suggested that a day can be observed when the entire world comes together for the message of thanks. 

Last year and half has been tough and the pandemic is still prevailing threat around us. Corporates and stay at home parents are feeling burned out by the double duties of working remotely and managing children’s education and household work.

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Yet progress from this unprecedented situation is definitely remarkable, the kids have adjusted to the virtual routine and attitudes for work from home have changed. Employees are less tolerant of unhappy work situations, and many are seeking help and support. 

Over the last one year we have witnessed many organisations coming forward to inculcate a culture of gratitude at work. Grateful employees form stronger relationships, perform better, and tend to have greater job satisfaction. 

Saying “thank you” helps overcome “Poor me” mindset and though it seems simple yet science has proved that these words are powerful and the impact is profound, both for the giver and the receiver of thanks.

Gratitude lifts up our mood, rejuvenates our spirit, and gives us a renewed energy to meet the unprecedented challenges the world is facing today. 

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Gratitude opens our eyes to the limitless potential this universe offers whereas dissatisfaction closes our eyes.

I hope this year each one of us will take sometime to appreciate the blessings we have and express gratitude to thousands of people who have worked hard, some without knowing us at all but to make our life easier. 

You may choose to keep a journal going forward and note down any 5 good things that you feel particularly grateful for. With regular practice one can notice that expressing and feeling grateful becomes easier and makes you feel happier!!

Share one good moment that you experienced in this year or acknowledge someone in the comments and spread a wave of joy and positivity.